Our Interfaith Future

The Pew Research Center has been tracking religious hostilities around the world since 2007. They have just published a report that found that a third of the 198 countries and territories that were studied in 2012 had a high or very high level of social hostilities related to religion.  That is the highest share in the six years that they have been looking into hostile acts that are the result of religious belief.  Their conclusion? The incidence of violence based on religion whether carried out by private individuals, organizations or groups has increased in every major region of the world except the Americas.

….Except the Americas. 

Maybe, just maybe the interfaith relations work that some have been doing in this country, in every major metropolitan area, and in many middle size and small communities since 9/11 is paying off.  In just over a decade, maybe, just maybe, small groups of people intentionally trying to make a difference in lots and lots of places, have…

Eboo Patel talks in his book Sacred Ground about how in the not so distant past interfaith work was led by and the passion of an older generation. 

Who leads interfaith work and how it is led is changing.  Patel and many others are telling us it is all about creating relationships.  A younger generation is eager for relationships, rather than debate.  They are more and more comfortable with diversity and with friends, loved ones, colleagues who are multi-ethnic, multi-cultural and bring along to their circles of community a rich variety of religious experiences and exposures.

We keep hearing that the “nones”, those who express no affiliation with or loyalty to a particular religious institutions as did the generations before them…think of themselves as no less “spiritual”.   They are not particularly interested in building churches, but they are very interested in spiritually themed conversations.  And they are not satisfied in monolithic or one world-view answers… 

The future is interfaith.

Seven years ago or so, when I first began having conversations that would eventually lead to my becoming the minister at the last church I served some there told me in no uncertain terms that I must be involved in interfaith work.  What those same folks did not know is that UU ministers, at the time, were also hearing strong suggestions that we should all be involved in interfaith work. 

The first week I arrived I called the coordinator of the Interfaith Alliance of Eastern Carolina and offered to help do whatever she needed.  Secretly reluctant, openly humanist, yet a person who finds value in doing some things she is told to do, I helped with management type details that needed to be done in the background.  I sat, once a month, with people who were liberals from a variety of Christian denominations, people who were Hindu, Muslim, Sufi, Baha’i, Quaker and Jewish.  I listened to them quote or pray from the resources supplied by their faith traditions; scriptures, prayerbooks, etc.  It was like a cacophony to me, a tower of babel, prayers and quotes, and sometimes songs…all shared to bring peace, to plead for peace, to tell us that peace would come because it was pre-ordained, that peace would come because our energies merged, that peace would come because we petitioned God, or because it was mandated by the prophet…  I listened, often ill at ease, sometimes bored.  I rarely said very much.

This interfaith group had begun as a response to 9/11.  The monthly gathering, held somewhere, often arranged by me, every month except November was called Prayers for Peace.  Other than the yearly Interfaith Thanksgiving Service, that is all we did together.  And it was always in a Quaker style format.  There was a lot of silence.    

It wasn’t enough for me.  It wasn’t enough for the new rabbi in town either.  Shortly after we had both arrived in this new place for us, we asked to add a ‘learning about each other” conversation to follow the time for prayer.

 

We proposed that one faith community representative each month share the details of their tradition, followed by questions.  It was within these gatherings over time where I learned that these people wanted not only to share about who they were, what they held to as most worthy in their faith traditions, sharing what they most trusted in life, but they wanted to know the same sorts of things about me. I was thrilled that when I began to tell them, them seemed to really welcome what I had to say…

This group, I had been told to be a part of, became a place that made a difference in my life, in my spiritual life and in my profession life.

Learning and growing in relationship with each other, we all began to think about who was not present.  We invited indigenous (native) Americans to join us, and neo-pagans, even a few agnostics…

By the end of the 5+ years I was with them, our annual Thanksgiving Day services had gotten better and better and even more diverse, led by those of us who knew each other and now cared a lot that all had a place at the table.  The monthly Prayers for Peace still happened, but was always followed by themed sharing where relationships were created and nurtured. 

This morning I want you to consider that the future is interfaith.  And I don’t necessarily mean that you have to get involved with the organized interfaith efforts in this community.  Although that is good thing to do.  Yet, what I most mean is that conversations about the age old themes: grace, forgiveness, suffering, peace, salvation, justice will move out of church buildings…and into the streets, into living rooms and the cyber social gathering places.  Perhaps more importantly these conversations will be among groups of would-be friends that don’t all look the same or speak the same, or dress the same, or like the same food…

And acts of faith will be less about maintaining an institution and more about using whatever vehicle facilitates the sort of conversations that create and sustain understanding, appreciation, relationship and finds commonality amidst diversity.

And I will be bold enough to also say to you that what we think of now as faith tradition, in our case often termed “our living tradition”, will become more be a kind of “street” knowledge, a body of wisdom that anyone anywhere can tap into and live by. 

This every day spiritual wisdom will be what will be known to “work” to make life richer, less lonely, less isolating, less hostile and more peaceful and it won’t belong only to this or that group.  It will be “common” knowledge among a diversity of people the world over.

What I would like to share with you as well… is that what I am talking about already exists, and has existed within every major world religion since the dawn of time.  The collections of “street” or “common” knowledge that are known as wisdom sayings, or what scholars and those who study world religions call “wisdom literature” is in every major body of “scripture”.  Around for ages, there is already a broad collection of all the practical stuff that works to make life go better embedded in scripture the world over. 

What qualifies as wisdom?   The 17^th Century poet and linguist Samuel Taylor Coleridge once said; "Common sense in an uncommon degree is what the world calls wisdom."    

The dictionary defines “wisdom” what gives one the ability to discern or judge what is true, right, or lasting.  It is insight.  Wisdom is common sense and good judgment.  Henry David Thoreau said "It is a characteristic of wisdom not to do desperate things"   It is the sum of learning through the ages.  It is the wise teaching of the ancient sages. 

Maya Angelou points out that this body of knowledge is often oral, passed down from grandmothers and fathers to children again and again as short and often pithy sayings.  She says; "In those homely sayings was couched the collective wisdom of generations" 

The thing about interfaith conversations that is so wonderful is that while learning about a person or a group of person who are different from you, you can see or hear things that they may be so immersed in they can’t see as clearly as you might.   It is like, how fish are probably not aware of the water they swim in. 

In the Book of Acts, we are told that "Moses was learned in all the wisdom of the Egyptians, and was mighty in words and in deeds." (Acts vii. 22.)  

Did he go to interfaith dialogues!   At least he studied the water, the culture he was in, even though he was not Egyptian, he learned from the wisdom they knew, soaking up what was valuable and constructive from their collective common sense.  It caused him to be mighty in words and deeds! 

Sometimes it is the “stranger” the one not native to a particular place, who can best hear or see the wisdom of a place, of a people, of a culture. 

Wisdom is, as my grandmother liked to say, more than “book learning”.  Being wise means one has the ability to combine knowledge with practical application. 

It has been shown in survey after survey that we UU’s are among the most knowledgeable (meaning book learned) group of church folk in America.  But are we also wise?  Could someone come into our midst and learn all they need to know to live peaceful, relational lives?  …to be mighty in word and deed?

Our third source says that our living tradition draws from the wisdom of the world's religions to inspire us in our ethical and spiritual lives.  How familiar are you with the wisdom literature from the world’s religions?  I know that some of us have immersed ourselves in learning/practicing Buddhism, and/or different forms of Paganism. Some of you are attracted to Hinduism, or know a lot about Quakers, or Judaism.

A long time ago, I became fascinated with wisdom literature. At first what made it so interesting to me, was how you could find various world religions personifying wisdom as the feminine aspect of God.  Sophia was the wise woman who was understood to be the consort, and the necessary compliment, to the father god.  Perhaps the archetype is often female because wisdom is almost always related to the practical and heartfelt aspects of life, and not so much the removed or esoteric.  Wisdom literature as well is concerned with the day to day, and not so much with the dramatic course of history. 

In Proverbs, what goes on in the family, in the kinship system and in society is the topic, again and again.  Proverbs is concerned with day to day practicalities.  It is focused on the ordering of routine life, on how a life can be made good and living prosperous.  Do this and you will have a good life.  Do this and we will all get along.  A stitch in time saves nine. 

The wisdom writings in the Bible, (Proverbs, the Song of Solomon, Ecclesiastes, the Book of Job) are not unlike more secular types of conventional wisdom, (like the wisdom saying that Benjamin Franklin was so fond of).  The Wisdom literature in the Bible is not interested in telling Israel’s story.  It is not concerned with the covenants or promises made between God and man, nor does it have any thing to say about a God who acts to direct the course of history.  Wisdom literature does not claim to be a product of divine revelation.  It is grounded instead in the observation of and reflection upon human experience.  Wisdom literature whether in the Bible or found in other world religions is always the result of insight based on experience.  Its aim is always a self-evident universal truth, that which we often call common sense.

Sometimes wisdom literature is composed of short sayings, like those found in the Tao-te-ching.  Sometimes it is written as if it is one person’s insight into a particular human problem, such as the story of the unjust suffering found in the Book of Job.  Whatever form it takes, it is always, as Marcus Borg says in Reading the Bible Again for the First Time, “crystallized experience - compact insights about how to live generated by long experience of the world.”  All wisdom literature says ‘this is what life is like, and take it from me, this message will help you on your journey’.

 

My purpose in bringing this up at all, is to offer wisdom literature as a touch point for learning about the sacred writings of other religions, for appreciating what makes the person who seems so different from you tick.  What others consider to be sacred writings or sources are not all fantastical mystery and tales of miracles.    

Have you read Ecclesiastes lately?

It is a cynic’s delight focused on the shortness of life and how random what befalls us is.  Life live to the fullest, my friend, cause you don’t get long. Que Sera Sera. Whatever will be, will be.  “What has been is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done, and there is nothing new under the sun.” …so let’s keep dancing… 

The collections of common sense sayings from the body of the world’s religions, all of them, not just the cynical ones, have an ingredient that is often missing from secular wisdom.  You can’t read wisdom from the world’s religions without recognizing that they all say in one way or another that life isn’t is as simple as knowing the right things to do and simply doing them.  This wisdom says that life is much more complex than that. 

Religious wisdom does not offer a collection of answers to be followed by the uninitiated.  It is rather it is a collection, a compendium of the world’s “ah ha’s”.  What worked for some community and what might point the way to what might work for others.

All of the wisdom literature from the world’s religions ultimately says that it isn’t just about following wise sayings, we must open ourselves and be vulnerable to the engagement with life. 

Becoming wise is not just finding the answer to "what should I do in a given situation", it is rather a raising the question of "what kind of person should I be?"

Huston Smith in his book The World’s Religions, tells this story about the Buddha.

"In his later years, when India was afire with the Buddha's message and kings themselves were bowing before him, people came to him even as they were to come to Jesus asking what he was. (Not many people provoke this question - not 'who are you' with respect to name, origin or ancestry, but 'what are you?')

When the people carried their puzzlement to the Buddha himself, the answer he gave provided a clue to his understanding of wisdom.  ‘Are you a God? they asked. An angel? A Saint? No. Then what are you?’ The Buddha answered,  "I am awake."

Being awake, alive, fully interconnected with all is the essence of religious wisdom. At the moment we awaken to others who are in this world with us as human beings of worth and dignity we awaken to ourselves – to our human, finite, vulnerable, imperfect selves interconnected with all that is and ever has been.  

Everything we need to know and our children need to know, and the generations that come after us need to live peaceful and good and prosperous lives is not found in one monolithic world view.  Learn from being in relationship with all that is and all who are, as did Moses, and you and your children and your children’s children will become mighty in word and in deed.

   

Amen.  Blessed be.

Assay - let the people make it so.

Namaste - the light in me salutes the light in you.

Shalom.  A Salaam Aleichem.

Jesus for UU's

Jesus for UU’s , Rev. Ann Marie Alderman, 1/19/2014

“Now there is a final reason I think that Jesus says, "Love your enemies." It is this: that love has within it a redemptive power. And there is a power there that eventually transforms individuals. Just keep being friendly to that person. Just keep loving them, and they can’t stand it too long. Oh, they react in many ways in the beginning. They react with guilt feelings, and sometimes they’ll hate you a little more at that transition period, but just keep loving them. And by the power of your love they will break down under the load. That’s love, you see. It is redemptive, and this is why Jesus says love. There’s something about love that builds up and is creative. There is something about hate that tears down and is destructive. So love your enemies. (from "Loving Your Enemies")”

― Martin Luther King Jr., A Knock at Midnight: Inspiration from the Great Sermons of Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr.



How many of you are familiar with the painting of Jesus in a white robe, with shoulder length brown wavy hair? In the painting I am referring to he has pale skin, a neatly trimmed beard, a sharp nose, thin lips, high cheek bones… He is looking out and up at something in the distance…

500 million copies of this portrait of Jesus are estimated to be in circulation. It has been said that it is the most common religious image in the world. For decades, especially in this country, this portrait was everywhere. It hung in nearly every Christian church, nearly every Christian child’s bedroom…and in living rooms. It was in the pockets of soldiers going off to war... in was in hospitals and offices, It hung in many school rooms, even in sandwich shops….everywhere!

According to Stephen Prothero who wrote American Jesus: How the Son of God Became a National Icon, the image meant to depict Jesus became Jesus…at least in the minds of many, many Americans. …in the minds of women, men, children, no matter what color they were… they knew what Jesus looked like.

The portrait and the person it represents, became one and the same. When that happened Jesus was no longer “belonged” to the institutional church founded upon his legacy. He no longer belonged to this or that worshiping congregation. Rather, the Jesus (the man we really “know” only a tiny amount of information about) became someone familiar and instantly recognizable to anyone and everyone. The man, the Son of God, the Savior, the Christ, previously known primarily through the interpretive lens of the various Christian faith traditions, became everyone’s always available superhero.

The portrait meant to make us think about the person known to us through the books of the New Testament, became the hero one need not study the bible to know…and know well.

The image created by an illustrator for a marketing campaign became an icon…and helped further what some call the “Jesus-only-religion”. Individuals with no relationship with a faith community could love, adore, feel good about their relationship with, appeal to, ask favors of, claim to know this Jesus. Our Unitarian forebears played a part in the creation of this distinctly American phenomena: Jesus standing alone, separate from God, separate from the church, separate from the history of doctrine and dogma…. This Jesus, Jesus as icon, as an always available superhero, could take on whatever form the dominant American popular culture needed him to.

Even as the golden haired, savior with the Northern European features started to be replaced by a diversity of images that reflected the multi-cultural, multi-ethnic, multi-religious society that began to come forth as early as the 1960’s, little to nothing about those images had anything to do with the “real” Jesus.

So he looked like what we needed him to.

Yet if he was so mutable, so able to change his features to suit what we needed him to be…was there any “truth” there?

You could find a black Jesus, a muscular Jesus, a hippie, Jesus with a creepy “come-hither” look, and on and on. There is even a famous painting of a black “female” Jesus.

It was still rare for any of the newer images of Jesus to have much or anything to do with who or what he might have looked like or any of the many understandings of who he was for his first century followers….

Skeptics wondered if there was any truth to be found. Is it all made up? If it is, is it alright for any of us who care to, to just pick out what we need to be true?

How could some UU's in the light of this sort of skepticism call themselves Christian?  Why would some UU’s secretly or even boldly…if they dared…claim to be UU and Christian?

Aren’t we the reasonable people who search for the truth?

(You know these days, it just didn't happen if there is no video evidence!

Look on the cover of your order of service!

Not very long very forensic anthropologists decided to find “the truth”. They gathered data from skeletal remains from Jesus’ time frame and where he was raised. Then they used computer graphics and all the latest technology to create an image that is the best we can “accurately” show what Jesus and the people of his time and situation looked like.

What do you think?

How do you feel about this guy?

Is this a Jesus you could admire?

I am guessing this image might be shocking for some of you. Or maybe it isn’t because you stopped thinking about Jesus a long time ago. You never believed so much of what seemed so unbelievable about the guy…and any relationship with him is in the distant past. Or you never had a relationship with him in the first place.

But maybe you wonder if there is something there. …especially when you admire people like Martin Luther King, Jr.. who found something immensely powerful in the example of this guy…. And how he lived.


No matter how we might feel ….Jesus won’t go away…

In the pamphlet “The Faith of a UU Christian” the Rev. Stephen Kendrick says; “Nothing has ever been simple about Jesus. He confounded and confused people in his own time, and so it is no wonder UU’s today are still wrestling with him, his message, and the tradition that claims him as a God.”

He goes on to say; “…I believe that people who are attracted to a place of free faith, spiritual seeking, and non-dogmatic religion have much to gain by grappling with the legacy of this teacher whose power and charisma seem undimmed from two thousand years ago.”

I’m sharing this image of Jesus to try to shake you up. If I can get some kind of reaction out of you….maybe, just maybe …we can move together into a space where we can get some distance from our assumptions…about what we have been taught in the past or what we vaguely assume we know…

Some space in which to move away from where we have been, to stand in the in-between…

It is this space….where you may be able to give your religious imagination some freedom…freedom to move…..

To get there you’ve got to smash some idols…

For, even though they can and do serve great purposes….they can also obscure our perception of the “real thing”…

Icons, created by humans to point to the sacred, can become the sacred. It is like mistaking the finger pointing at the moon for the moon.

We come from a religious tradition that guards against that. Those Unitarians that had a hand in creating Jesus as the American Icon, meant well by cutting and pasting the gospels…taking out all the unbelievable miracles, removing all the inconsistencies…removing what couldn’t be true according to their understanding of reality. They were smashing idols.

We have some of our own to destroy…

Many of us of a certain background or of a particular generation did that with Christianity. It couldn’t be the faith for us, because too much was unbelievable…didn’t ring true.

Jesus may be making a comeback.

Jesus may be making a comeback among UU’s.

This forensic anthropologist rendering you have in your hand depicts a simple, working class man.

This rendering you have in your hand may be quite nearly accurate…

If it is, or if it might be…does that make a difference for you?

Nothing has ever been simple about Jesus. There is very, very little “proof”, other than accounts written by those who believed in him, that he even existed.

What he might mean to you, or to the person sitting next to you is and probably always will be a matter of faith. The holy work we ought to be doing is not precluding what our faith journeys might move us to believe. What we ought to be doing is freeing ourselves from whatever keeps us stuck in place. Sometimes, we get stuck in the business of rejecting what doesn’t sound right or feel logical. Searching for what feels right and what brings love and justice is important spiritual work. UU’s have for too long gotten stuck in the place of rejecting the unbelievable miracles of Christianity. We have for too long gotten stuck in the place of rejecting the unreasonable doctrines and dogmas of Christianity.

The work that we ought to be doing is not just freeing ourselves, but also moving into a place where once freed we then can creatively imagine what new symbols or not yet seen images might better channel our spiritual yearnings.

Martin Luther King, Junior was a good-looking man.  He was a fabulous preacher.  But adoring him is like mistaking the finger for the moon.

What if Jesus looked like a common, rough working man? What if his hair was unwashed, his skin ruddy from too much sun. What if his nose and his brow were thick?

Would you adore him? Want to hear what he has to say?

What if this man in this picture said to you: “Did you feed the hungry? Visit the widows? Go see the prisoners?”

Would you find a way not to listen? …not to see? …not to do what is asked of you?

Making Room for All: Coming Out Still Matters (with Karen Madrone)

This past Friday, October 11^th, marked the 25^th anniversary of National Coming Out Day.  This day set aside each year for telling a friend, a neighbor, a co-worker, about your identity began one year after a half a million people descended on Washington DC in 1987 advocating for the rights to GLBT people.  The theme for this year’s Coming Out Day is: “it still matters”.

Does it still matter?  As, a lesbian, I have been receiving mostly “ho-hum” responses for years now…at least in the UU world! …and from my family and friends.

Even this past spring when my wife to be and I booked a venue for our “marriage”, the staff in Charlotte was mostly blasé….about our relationship and our ceremony….

Even the very conservative place where I went time after time to get the custom made invitations just right…dealt with me just like every one else.…

Gays and lesbians have come a long, long way in 25 years.

 

Yet, just last week, Robin and I went to the courthouse to ask for a marriage license.  This, of course, is North Carolina and we knew the answer would be “no”. 

Even with that hurtful “no”, I am quite aware that I benefit from privilege.  Actually a lot of privilege.  I feel certain I will not lose my job for engaging in an act of public witness…

I am in….we all are in…. one of those “yet, but not yet” places…

 The response to gays and lesbians desires for now to be legally married differs state to state.  I left the Mecklenburg courthouse saying that “we will be back”.  I know that this denial, perhaps among the final barriers to legal equality for gays and lesbians will come down someday soon.

It will come down, because more and more gays and lesbians continue to come out, to ask for equal treatment, more and more will “come out” publicly at church, at work, at school, in the court rooms…

The Human Rights Coalition says that now—25 years since the first Coming Out Day one of out of every two Americans has a gay or lesbian friend or relative or co-worker they are close to, that they know well. 

That is a lot of progress in “just” 25 years.  That is a lot of being known and accepted, welcomed into the circles that count…  That is a lot of coming out as gay and lesbian.  That is a lot of coming out as allies…

 

Yet, HRC, also says that for a trans person, someone born in the wrong body, someone whose gender identity does not match their body parts, the statistic is quite different.

Only one in ten Americans are close to a friend, a relative, a co-worker who is transgender.

It is a very different world for someone who has been and still is marginalized because of gender identity.

For those who are trans, the world can be a lonely, confusing, even violent place. 

This ought to be a sanctuary for all those who are marginalized.  We ought to be better than 1 in 10 here.  Changing that statistic, by coming out as allies …not just welcoming…if “they” happen to show up…  We ought to be out there inviting. We ought to be seeking….those who are on the margins.  We ought to be engaging in the kind of relationships that will transform us …

I have participated in our denomination’s Welcoming Congregation program three times, in three different congregations.  All three experiences where powerful…taught me things I did not know.  One was transformative…

When I led the Welcoming Congregation program in the tiny UU church in Athens, Pennsylvania some 7 years ago, those of us who were/are gay and lesbian were transformed by the experience we had with our trans members.  We learned just how much we as gays and lesbians-- so long used to being on the outside, had been guilty of keeping those who were trans even further out…  it was a painful learning.

This UU faith asks us to feel pain, sometimes.   It asks of us to be not just tolerant of difference, but welcoming.  To be radically welcoming:  to offer hospitality to all, especially those who have been defined as “other”, who have been systemically disempowered and oppressed, pushed to the outer edges of society.  AND to be transformed by doing so…

The Welcoming Congregation certification that UUCG has hanging on its wall, asks us to be in alliance with those GLBT local groups doing the work of dismantling oppression.

This is not just a day each year…

It is about seeking out those who are hurting, lonely, isolated and who are often daily threatened with violence.

Next year, if I should ask you to raise your hand if you are friends with, love – respect – know the life story of a trans person, who is your relative, neighbor, co-worker, fellow congregant….I hope instead of 1 in 10, here it is 1 in 5…                                                              [Rev. Ann Marie]

I am going to start my talk with a confession: gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people can also be homophobic, biphobic and transphobic. It’s true. I think those of us glbt people who are active and vocal have a façade of having all our stuff worked out. But, believe it or not, we don’t.

When you are raised in this culture you are constantly reminded of the norm and that norm is held up as the correct way to be. Anything outside that norm, whether it pertains to sexuality, gender identity, physical abilities, race, class or any other category is considered to be “less than” and not given the same status as the norm. GLBT people, since we live in this culture, too, also have these beliefs.

On September 14, two friends of mine Allison Woolbert and Debbie Duncan, came to our church and spoke about their life experiences, Allison as a male to female transgender woman, and Debbie as the wife of a male to female transgender woman. At the workshop, one of the ground rules was about recognizing our own internal biases. This ground rule reminded me of times in my life when my personal biases surprised me.

When I was a graduate student in Missouri, I worked as a graduate resident assistant at a local college. I was an out lesbian and everyone seemed to be fine with that. But an interesting thing happened. One day I found out that one of the resident assistants was a lesbian…and my first thought was…”I thought better of her than that.” Thankfully my next thought was “I can’t believe I just thought that!” That incident reminded me that even with everything I had gone through to accept my own sexuality, I still had issues with accepting others where they were.

When I moved to North Carolina in 2004 I played softball with a co-ed gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender softball league in Winston-Salem for a few seasons. Now, I clearly do not fit the stereotype of lesbians who play sports, have short hair, and know how to fix cars. I had never played softball in my life but I was willing to do whatever it took to make friends in the area. Thankfully a few people took the time to teach me how to throw a ball and I learned how to work with my weaknesses to become a decent player.

One of the great experiences I had with the league was getting my own stereotypes blown to bits. I got to meet gay men who fit lots of stereotypes our culture has of them (you know what they are)…and were also really fierce softball players. I was stunned. Actually, many of them have gone on to win regional and national competitions. I also got to meet gay men who were the absolute opposite of our cultural stereotype – big burly tattooed guys that at first I was kind of afraid of until I realized they were one of us. Who knew?

I feel that all of these experiences, and my involvement at this church, made a difference in my friendship with Allison. Allison and I met through facebook. Yes, facebook can be a force for good. I “met” Allison through a conversation she was having with Michael Tino, a former ministerial intern at this church. In spring 2012 I saw she was posting information about an event they were calling a Welcoming Congregation Summit. This intrigued me because as chair of the glbtq subcommittee, I’ve been wanting our church to renew our energy around actively living our Welcoming Congregation status.

Our church has been a Welcoming Congregation, a special status designated by the Unitarian Universalist Association, for at least ten years. Churches that are designated as Welcoming Congregations have undergone an internal study to increase their awareness of glbt issues. However, when our church became a Welcoming Congregation, the T for transgender hadn’t been added to the curriculum, it was added the following year. If you’ll notice on the sign in the foyer, transgender isn’t included. So when I saw the notice about the Welcoming Congregation Summit, I thought this would be a great opportunity to meet with other congregations, find out what they were doing, and bring some of that energy back here. There was just one hitch – this event was happening in Princeton, New Jersey on April 11, the same day as our Dance for Equality, an event we held here to raise funds to support defeating amendment one. So I got in touch with Allison and said that I really wish I could go but it wouldn’t work out. I found out that she is persistent. Then she told me they were doing a similar event again in the fall and would I like to come speak about our experiences here in our fight against amendment one? So I said yes.

It sounded like the craziest thing to do, I know. I flew to Newark New Jersey and stayed in the house of two total strangers at the time. Before meeting Allison, I had known a few transgender people but really only in passing. Staying in someone’s house is totally different than having a short conversation in the hallway. I’m not going to lie, there were moments I was uncomfortable.

First, because I had never met them before but also because I hadn’t spent much time with transgender people. But thankfully I have years of experience of being a Unitarian Universalist and I take the first principle of the belief in the inherent dignity and worth of every person very seriously. I’ve learned that if I’m uncomfortable with someone, it’s my issue, not theirs.

Many years ago a friend recommended the book “When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times” by Pema Chodron, a Buddhist monk. I have read it several times. I highly recommend her work. Another author I’ve learned a lot from is Geneen Roth. She approaches life through a Buddhist and Jewish lens. What I’ve learned most in my readings and experiences is the importance of being truly present. Being present in the moment, allowing the other person to be who they are, as they are.

From Geneen Roth I’ve learned to use curiosity and kindness as a spiritual practice. So while I was with Allison and her friends, in a room full of all transgender people but me, I asked myself, “What am I feeling? What is it about this person or this situation is causing me discomfort? How can I be more present for them?”  I have found the question, “I wonder why?” to be helpful in times when I’m having an uncomfortable response to someone or a situation.

At times during the course of the weekend I was reminded that gay and lesbian people haven’t always been welcoming to transgender people and I allowed myself to just be there, without being defensive in responsive, and just listen. And I realized they were right. Prior to going to this Summit I was aware of the gender spectrum and the sexuality spectrum but I hadn’t had my assumptions tested. When Allison said she was bisexual, I had yet another stereotype blown to bits!

The song the choir sang just now “Would you harbor me?” asked the same question over and over again, only with different groups of people. An alternative to the question is, “Would you be an ally for me?” All the time I feel like Allison is asking me, would you be my ally? Would you stand with me and my transgender community when the chips are down? Will you remember me when a transgender person is attacked, raped and killed merely for their gender expression? Will you help raise money for organizations that work to end discrimination against transgender people? Will you remember that transgender poor people, people of color, and who have a lower socioeconomic status are treated disproportionately worse in our society? Will you hold national gay and lesbian organizations to account when they dismiss the concerns of transgender people? Will you make sure that transgender people are welcome in your home, your life, your church?

Friends, as someone who is white, passes as straight, fits the gender expectations of women in our culture, and has a college education, I feel strongly that I have a responsibility to come out as an ally, to harbor, those who are less than in our culture. And this church does, too. I challenge each of us and our church to take a public stand for those who cannot come out themselves. Whose lives are in danger due to their gender expression. Sit with this idea for a moment. Ask yourself, “What am I feeling? How can I be present to this challenge?” I ask you to sit with the discomfort of being challenged about your assumptions. Ask yourself what can I do? What can my church do? What can we do as a community to be welcoming to all? How can we be radically welcoming?   [Karen Madrone]

What is Your Spiritual Type?

What is your favorite part of worship here on a Sunday morning?  Do you like that liberal religion is defined and celebrated here, Sunday after Sunday, same place, same time?  Or is you favorite part joys and sorrows or coffee hour, because you like to talk?  Do you feel like you haven’t been to church if you don’t get a hug?  Or is it the silence, the prayer or the chiming of the singing bowl that speaks to you?  Or is your favorite part the announcements, or the Share Half offering when you get to find out how and when to do something to make this world a better place?  How about the choir?  Do you like that it is consistently excellent?  That the music often inspires you to feel?  That singing makes you feel at one with others?  That the songs inspire you to work for justice?

What is your least favorite part?  Does not beginning and not ending promptly drive you crazy?  Do joys and concerns embarrass you?  Do you sit so you can look out the window because that is secretly your favorite part of being here?  Do you think services are a waste of time if they don't cause you and others to want to take concrete action in the “real” world?

This morning, I am going to invite you to reflect on the attitudes and activities that characterize how you most comfortably make a connection with whatever you consider to be most worthy of your ultimate focus.  For means of simplicity, I’ll use the shorthand phrase “spiritual type” for all those attitudes and activities that most serve to connect to whatever you consider higher being.  I want you to leave today, with a better understanding of your way of expressing whatever it is you come to church to express.  I want you to better understand what you need to feel connected, what it takes to feel like you have been “to church”.  And I want to understand that what feels like worship to you, may be quite different from what feels like worship for the person sitting next to you.    

Sometimes we think that if we make space for the theists (those who believe in the existence of a specific God or who value a God-concept) and the humanists, those who are agnostic or a-theist, and for those who define themselves as more earth centered, we have covered the variety of preferences...here.  Yet, if we think only about these three differences…theistic, humanist, neo-pagan... it keeps us from looking at another way we are a diverse which may have a much more powerful impact on how we understand our expectations and needs.      

Knowing about spiritual types can help us to understand different styles of worship across different faiths, different styles of worship within a particular faith, and the variety of expressions within particular denomination, and the diversity present here most every Sunday.

The premise of this is that all of us have a “primary” spiritual type. Discovering what yours is, will help you to appreciate that the spiritual expressions of others may be very different from yours.  Discovering your spiritual type, will help you see that no one way is the “right” way.  That no one type is the “truly” spiritual type.  For it takes all of us to make a whole congregation, to express and appreciate all the ways that we can together connect with what is worthy in this life.   

So, I am going to ask you a series of questions.  Try to keep track of how many you can say yes to!

1. So, when you sing a hymn, do you look ahead to see if you agree with the words?
2. Do especially like the music when it sounds like the kind you might hear at the Symphony?
3. Could you easily complete this sentence:  The truth is ____?
4. Is it important to you that services, or meetings, or classes start and end on time?
5. Does the wording of the Unitarian Universalist principles, of the church mission statement, or of the statement of affirmation really matter to you?
6. Are you especially interested in the content of most sermons and want to read more about whatever the subject is?
7. Do you take pleasure in intellectual inquiry and critical investigation?
8. Do you have a passion for congruence in thought and statement, wanting propositions to be demonstrably logical?
9. Do you want to hear more sermons about our Unitarian Universalist heritage?
10. Does being right mean more to you than being in relationship?
11. Do you prefer classes where an expert speaks on UU history or World Religions over one on spiritual autobiography?
12. Do you like the Sunday service to be all of a piece, carefully planned, with a clear theme running throughout?

 If you said yes to most of those questions, your spiritual type is HEAD!  You approach spirituality with your intellect.  You appreciate history, order, logic…tradition!  Going to church is to put the world back into proper order…

Try these:

1. Do you really love that we end worship holding hands?
2. Is your idea of a good service one that deeply moves you, brings tears to your eyes, or makes you feel deep joy?
3. Do you enjoy encountering others on a one on one basis?
4. Do you like meetings, classes, social functions, coffee hour because you can share conversation with those you like seeing and being with?
5. Is time for spoken Joys and Sorrows very important to you whether or not you have something to share…because you want to know what’s going on with people?
6. When you come to a Sunday Service, do you hope to leave knowing the speaker better than you did before?
7. Do you prefer an Adult RE class where people get to tell their own stories?
8. Would you like to see more opportunities for sharing your spiritual autobiography and hearing other’s?
9. Do conflicts really matter to you, either energizing you or draining you?
10. Does being in relationship mean more to you than being right?
11. Are you satisfied if a sermon tells a good story?
12. Do you love having the children in the service, even when (or especially when) they are spontaneous and talkative?

You are all HEART!  You approach spirituality with your emotions, and haven’t been “to church” unless you have made an emotional connection.

How about these?

1. In your best moments, do you feel in tune with/one with the whole universe?
2. Does the metaphor of life as a journey really work for you?
3. Does prayer or meditation appeal to you, the more in silence the better?
4. Do you love being alone and wish you could be alone more?
5. Do you wish the loud conversations inside this room were kept to a minimum, so that you could more easily make the transition from your busy life to this worship time?
6. Do you like the sound of the chime calling you to be present to the moment?
7. Do you wish there were more and longer periods to empty yourself of the chatter of daily life during our worship services?
8. Is the chalice lighting and just coming forward to light a candle during joys and sorrows… parts of the service that are important for you?
9. Do you love chants and rounds?
10. Is it important to you that our church building, inside and out, be a place of beauty and serenity?   Would you like for us to have a building that was big enough to separate the fellowship area from the sanctuary?
11. Would you like to see more communion services, (water, flower, bread, because ritual speaks to you in a ways that words don’t?
12. Does a class or a group focused on the sacredness of ordinary moments appeal to you?

You are a MYSTIC.  Approaching the ultimate has to do with emptying yourself, being at one with the great beyond…

And finally?

1. Did you like the UU slogan, “deeds not creeds”?
2. Do you believe that one of the best ways to find out who you are and what you believe is to act publicly in concert with others?
3. Would you be highly complimented to be called an activist, or an advocate?
4. Have you attended a Social Action Team meeting…(with a proposal for us to do something)?
5. Did you participate in Moral Mondays?
6. Where you or are you considering being in the Peace Corps?
7. Do you get goose bumps when singing, “We Shall Overcome”, or when we use gospel or folk songs that inspire you to work for justice?
8. Do you believe that the purpose of a church is to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable?
9. Is it important to you that The Newsletter, the bulletin boards, the e-news and the spoken announcements make people aware of the ways that we can put our values into action in the community…in the state…in the world?
10. Do you wish our congregation did more work to dismantle ableism, ageism, racism and homophobia?
11. Do you believe that the purpose of a church is to transform the world and not just to change ourselves?
12. Do you believe that church services should be the way we express our convictions?

 Your spiritual type is HANDS.  Worship may be the last place you want to be.  There’s too much to do “out there”!

  

If you are guided by your head you may value the intellectual and speculative approach to worship, tending to appreciate what can be put in logical terms. Concepts are valuable to you. This type of spirituality favors heritage and form, what it can see, touch, and vividly imagine.    Words and speaking are important.  Your aim in coming to church is intellectual renewal, finding better ways of understanding what is worthy of your attention in life.  Order, structure, heritage are important.  “Rank by Rank” is the kind of hymn you relate to.  Corporate congruence is important.

Yet, over reliance on this spiritual type leads to intolerant rationalism, persons always on the lookout for the illogical, or what fine point they can argue with.  Perhaps a growing edge for persons with this type of spirituality is to be found in learning to wait, in practicing whatever slows the rush to thinking.  Head types might be served by taking a mediation class, where they may learn to empty the mind.

If you are of the Heart type, also like Head appreciates vivid images, stories with characters…but everything that really matters will always be filtered through your feelings.  Whatever your feelings are in the current moment are the most important thing to you. You come to church to feel good.  You may feel abandoned or forsaken by your religion when you feel low or angry.  Your aim in worship is personal renewal and transformation.  Spontaneity, warmth, memory, story, practical serving make sense to you.  You may not be on the picket line, but you will volunteer to clean up the kitchen, because your momma did and her momma before that.  Amazing Grace is your hymn.

 

The weakness, or shadow side, of this type is sentimentality or what used to be called “pietism”…It is easy for you to adopt a holier than thou attitude.  If you are a Heart type your growing edge may be to immerse yourself in learning to think critically adding that skill to your immense ability to feel.

If you are a Mystic path, hearing is more important than speaking.  Your aim is union with the divine, or renewal of your inner life.  For you the Sacred is a creative force, met through journey.  Being, symbol, beauty, and ritual speak to you.  Chants are your song.  The practice of contemplation is important to you.

A weakness of this path may be isolated withdrawal from the world.  A reality check might be in order!.

Those who are Hands type aren’t satisfied unless they are engaged in action.  These are the crusaders.  They measure worth by the level of their, and of your, commitment and passion.  We’ll Build a Land may be your song.  If you are a Hands type the transformation of society is important to you. 

Too much emphasis on this as “the” path leads to moralistic fanaticism.  So your growing edge may be whatever helps you to experience joy in the present moment, realizing the need to constantly work for a better world can be modulated by focus on now, rather than always then….

Exclusive dominance in any one quadrant leads to it’s excess, dogmatism, emotionalism, withdrawal, or tunnel-vision.  Any congregation that allows the expression of only one spiritual type, will drive out those who express themselves differently.  And they will also too easily identify their particular spiritual tendency as THE RIGHT WAY….missing appreciation for balance and wholeness …It is important to be with those who are different from you, to learn what it means to be whole. 

All individuals and groups have multiple spiritual tendencies.  How many of you couldn’t decide and find you are of two types, or three?  What might you think is the dominant type of this congregation?  …of UUism in general?    

As a worship leader, I try to remember to build into every worship service what will appeal to every type. 

I know that any time I hear folks insist that the right way to do worship is to end at such and such a time…, or we must have spoken joys and sorrows, or more silence please, or so come to me afterwards and say; “so what are we supposed to do about it?”….that they are telling me what their spiritual type is!

Probably the most important thing to take away today is for all of us to know that these four “types” are not liberal vs conservative, or reflective of theism, humanist or pagan.  There are not liberal or conservative.  There are theistic, humanist and pagan groups peopled by all four types.  It is not the case that any of these styles are better or more mature than the others, just different.  They reach different people in different ways at different times.  A whole church ought to attend to meeting everyone’s needs for comfort and challenge.   There are those who express their spirituality and expect to be addressed in a cognitive/intellectual/head fashion or a emotive/connectional/heart fashion, or an introspective/meditational/mystic fashion or who are hands on activists.  And all of you are here every Sunday!

What I hope you have heard is that we are more diverse and perhaps in deeper ways than we may have imagined.  It takes all of us, to be whole!

Read more about this topic http://www.amazon.com/Discover-Your-Spiritual-Type-Corinne/dp/1566991498

Whom Do You Serve?

JACOB WRESTLING WITH THE ANGEL Genesis 32:24-32

And Jacob was left alone; and a man wrestled with him until the breaking of the day. When the man saw that he did not prevail against Jacob, he struck him on the hip socket; and Jacob’s hip was put out of joint as he wrestled…

Then the man said, “Let me go, for the day is breaking.” But Jacob said, “I will not let you go, unless you bless me.” And the man said, “What is your name?” And he said, “Jacob.” Then the man said, “Your name shall no more be called Jacob, but Israel, for you have striven with God and with humans, and have prevailed.

Then Jacob asked him, “Tell me, I pray, your name.” But the man said, “Why is it that you ask my name?” And then he blessed him.

Jacob called [out] …“For I have seen God face to face, and yet my life is preserved.”  The sun rose upon him as he passed …limping because of his hip.

Handyman

The morning brought such a lashing rain
I decided I might as well stay inside
And tackle those jobs that had multiplied
Like an old man's minor aches and pains.
I found a screw for the strikerplate,
Tightened the handle on the bathroom door,
Cleared the drain in the basement floor,
And straightened the hinge for the backyard gate.
Each task had been a nagging distraction,
An itch in the mind, a dangling thread;
Knocking a tiny brass brad on the head,
I felt an insane sense of satisfaction.
Then I heard a great crash in the yard.
The maple had fallen and smashed our car.

Barton Sutter

I wrestle most days to get the little details right.  Sometimes when I am feeling overwhelmed, it helps to focus on small things that can be fixed.  I feel satisfied when I can see what I have straightened out.  AH, those papers are all organized now.  The pictures are hanging level on the wall.  The organizational chart is clear and accurate and flowing in my mind…

The chaos is pushed aside for a moment.

 

Some days, often on stormy days or when it is drizzling outside, I realize that life has left me, left most of us, with our assorted pains, our “limps”.   Wounds that have become scars, places out of joint or stiff from wrestling.  Terrors.

Nagging, little pains.  Perhaps we can take another pill, or stretch out and ease the old wounds…maybe a trip to the massage therapist will help…

Then the tree falls.  Or some other potentially life changing loss hits…

It is those moments, when “the maple falls and smashes the car”, when we realize to what or to whom our life is “all bound up…”

I was at my home in Jacksonville some years ago.  It was a spring or maybe it was summer.  We had received lots and lots of rain, day after day.  On this particular day, it was just drizzling…the windows were open and it was smelling sweet like spring does…when suddenly there was an earth-shaking THUD.  I was in one side of the house, when the deafening sound and the shudder of a huge tree falling and smashing something started and then only seconds later came to a stop.  I was convinced that the kitchen on the other side of the house was gone.  I was sure some terrible damage had been done to the roof, to the room that was no more, damage that would inconvenience me for weeks.

With trepidation, running to the kitchen, I saw out the window that one HUGE live oak branch had fallen in the back yard.  It was resting un-easily on what was left of the carport roof.  Under the carport were all the tropical birds that my girlfriend and I had not long ago housed there. 

We had built an outdoor aviary, where they could be messy and loud and would be plenty warm enough for the late spring and for summer.  I was panicked.  I was sure that tree limb was not finished falling all the way down to the ground…When it did, which it surely would, the birds would be either smashed or their cage ripped open and them set free..

I could hear the neighbors gathering in the street.  I was irritated that not one ventured to our front door to ask if we were ok.  I was relieved that no crowd appeared in the back yard to watch me hurry to rescue the birds.  Dutiful that ONE day, they were all amazing easy to capture.  Their little hearts beating way faster than they already did every day, they agreed to all be hurriedly shoved into one cage, crammed together predators and victims, all answering to a higher call to survive..

In the house, they were separated once again.  With the tree guys and the insurance people called and all having done their jobs…life went on.   Life went on… Forever, I knew what too much rain can do.

The writer Anne Dillard thinks a church should be a dangerous place, a zone of risk, a place of new birth and new life, where we confront ourselves with who we truly are and who we are being called to become.  She says a church ought to be a place where you need a hard hat.

Luckily, I have one. 

 

Given to me years ago by a congregational president…during a particularly difficult transition in the church’s forward progress.  I plan to put it in my office here.  I may need it.  You may need to borrow it.

I may need it when we aren’t sure what the future is going to bring.  I may need it as a charm to wear when what feels like life-threatening harm has come to call, when you and I venture forth into dangerous areas.  When there is an earth-shaking THUD.  Or when I wrestle with all night as Jacob did.  Or you do.

In the story Jacob, he asks for a blessing.  He gets a new name and he receives a blessing.  Yet he walks away from the hard night with a limp. 

He asked for a blessing, he asked to be honored as special, as chosen, yet he left the encounter with a wound…a hip out of joint.  He will have to live with that injury the rest of his life…

His name no longer Jacob, but Israel…

He went into the danger zone and came out wounded, yet transformed… 

There is always pain in holy work.  If there is no pain, if it is all easy and smooth and obsessively attending to the details is satisfying cause it keeps the chaos at bay…then one is likely standing at some distance, intellectualizing, observing, perhaps cataloging….   Taking a sampling taste of various religious traditions, perhaps casually visiting faith communities…  testing the waters, but never really diving in…  never wrestling…with meaning and purpose and ultimacy…

Who do you serve?   To whom or for what are you in service?   Is it fear?… or something else?

Engagement with the sacred, doing the kind of holy work that changes us into who we can be, who we ought to be, are meant to be ….is painful and often terrifying…It can, and often does, leave us wounded, yet transformed…broken and blessed.  Yet, we know who we serve.   We who go into the danger zone again and again,…into the holy place where there is brokenness and blessing…don’t need names. 

Story after story in every religious tradition talks about this…  what it is like to encounter the holy.

Reading about it, listening to other people’s stories is not good enough.

Debating the names of the holy is missing the point.

I have taught Bible courses to UU’s many times.  I have said many times that I love studying the books about the Bible way more than studying the Bible itself. 

I could say the same thing about the Bhagavad Gita.  I love reading books about Hinduism, yet I have never traveled to India…for I am afraid.

I am a “study it from a distance” kind of learner, most of the time…

But not all the time.

If there is a life at stake, I will do my best to be fully present, engaged in doing what needs to be done….

If there is a congregation at risk, losing its way, forgetting who they are and why they exist and to whom they are in service….I will do my best to partner them back to right relationship with the holy.

In the story from Genesis, Jacob asks for a blessing, which he receives…and he receives a new name…

But he has yet to understand who or what he serves…

The man said to Jacob, why is it that you ask my name? 

One wouldn’t have to ask, “who are you”  if one was really in it…If one was living engaged with the divine, one would not ask, one would know.

WHO DO YOU SERVE?

Who or what calls out to you?  With whom or with what do you wrestle?  Who or what leaves you blessed and broken? …transformed?

Straightening the books on the shelf, staying in the office getting the flow chart just right, is not the kind of learning, engaging, wrestling with life’s meaning and purpose that real spiritual maturity demands. 

One has to open the book, read the stories….hear your own story in the stories…learn to let life’s little nagging pains not worry you so much, not give straightening little things give you an insane sense of satisfaction, when SANITY and wholeness comes from doing the hard, deep, engagement with what calls you beyond pettiness and futility to LIFE…to solidarity with those who work for justice…into the love that creates true community, where risk and trust go together…

Sometimes you need a hardhat..

You can borrow mine...

When to Contact the Minister

My wife and I are about to close on a house in Salisbury.  It is halfway between her place of ministry in Charlotte and mine here!  It is an older home, in a historic district. I am imagining I am going to learn very quickly where the home improvement stores are in that town!  I am already acquainted with some of the home improvement “experts” there.   Friends who live there now, some in older homes, are already offering advice.

I am not shy about trying to learn what they know, about asking “how do you go about doing…? ... Whatever comes up that we might need to know to make this old house more live-able for us.  Make it do what we want it do while we live there.  How can we make it fit us?  And be fit for us?
 
You have some of that to do with me and me with you.  How will we learn over time to fit, how to be fit for each other? 
  
Just like I do in approaching others, sometimes you will come to me as an “expert” on something.   Other times, I will help you see how you are the expert.  That is what is meant by “shared ministry”.  We are all talented and wise and have gifts to share. 

A week from tomorrow, I will be traveling to Minneapolis for the annual Interim and Developmental Ministry training.  I plan to ask lots of questions of those who have been doing interim ministry for a while.

There will be some “developmental” ministers like me there too.  I plan to especially corner them and seek out their wisdom. 

But, I can tell you there aren’t that many of us and no one has been doing Developmental Ministry very long.
 
This thing you and I are doing together is like an interim ministry, what Rev. Eric did,   only different!  There aren’t any “experts” yet! 
  
Developmental ministers partner with congregations for 3-5 years, to get them ready to settle a called minister, and they might even become that called minister.  We stay longer than an interim, to help your leaders really move your congregation into a new way of being together.

Interims are around to give you time to grieve, or at least shift your loyalty from a past leader, to pause and breath and allow the space to let in a new called minister…

We are on a different kind of journey together, you and I.  It has less to do with pause and breath and more to do with CHANGE and grow…

It is a path that ought to lead UU Greensboro into becoming a highly functioning, efficient, live-able, fun, safe, “make a difference in the world” kind of place…

Are you ready?

We will be building not only a new way of being together, but re-building trust, and that will take time.

In the meantime, life goes on.  In the meantime, whether we get to that place we are going or not, life will happen.  Life, and marriages, and children born.  Illness and death, and getting up again the next morning with a loss to live with.  In the meantime, maybe you aren’t a leader and you don’t care about all that was or what will be.  You are here now.  Maybe you just came in the door this morning, or in the last few months.  Maybe you came in the door 20 years ago, or 10.  And you just want a minister to be a minister.  For you a minister is not just to manage a journey to the great transformation in the sky, but for the meantime. 

Being your minister is not just about standing and talking to you on Sundays…
[although that’s very important!]…

It is about being for you and with you in the meantime.  …as life happens. 

I am here to help you celebrate, to comfort you, to challenge and inspire you, to just be present so you can hear yourself, so you can be your own expert.

Call me, send me an e-mail, do what ever it takes to initiate contact with me when you need me to be your minister. 

In these first few months, I would love just to get to know you better.  Ask me out for coffee, or lunch or dinner.  Invite me over, or in, or come by just to visit. 

I will do the same.  You may learn that I will seek you out if I sense you have a ministerial need.  A life or death major event is happening in your life, or you are struggling with how to find meaning or purpose…in the midst of a terminal diagnosis, or a move or a separation…

The UUCG grapevine will keep me somewhat informed about some of your concerns that call for a pastoral response.  I will be listening for your needs during joys and sorrows, and during our “casual” conversations.  You may not know I am listening to you that way, but I am.  You may not yet be ready to seek me out, yet.  But I hope you will when you are ready.  I hope you will act as if, I can be your minister!  Sometimes, I will be the one who comes to you.  I promise I am listening for the metaphorical door to open.  If it does I promise I will walk through it.

When that happens I hope I help you see/experience, what I am here for as your pastor.  

You don’t have to rely on the grapevine to let me know something I should know.  I’m good, but I am not psychic!  Contact me.  My phone works, my e-mail works, my office times are posted.
Call me, come by.  Call me first, then come by!

Sometimes, some of you may come by…eager to me to tell me what some one else needs from me.  That’s OK.  But sometimes, some of you will come by or call to tell me not what someone else needs, but about a “concern” or an issue that some third person has with me. 

It would serve us all so much better if you would take that person’s hand and offer to come with them, so that I can hear directly from the person who has a concern clearly and exactly what their concern is!   If you come tell me alone, I am very likely to hear what you have to say not as an expression of their concern, but as yours!  That’s OK, too.  But you need to know I am hearing what you say as your concern.

Let’s choose to be direct!   I will be direct with you!  And gentle.  If you are bold, I will be gentle in hearing what must have taken a lot of guts to say.  That’s my promise to you!

If you are a member here, I will officiate your marriage ceremony or your memorial service at no charge!  If you are a friend, a friend of a friend, a relative…I will make you a deal!

If you are ready for your child to be dedicated, here or in a sacred space of your choosing, come see me.

If you want to talk about your ceremony of life and how you’d want to be remembered come see me.  Let’s talk
.
If you want to talk about theology or polity or something thrilling or confusing that’s happening in the UU World or in the world that has a spiritual, ethical, justice-making dimension come see me.

If you can’t figure out how to be a UU at work, let’s talk

I am always ready to hear what you are excited about learning next.  I am here to help you explore religion and spirituality, to help you widen your horizons, to deepen your knowledge, to grow in understanding, to help connect with others who have your same interests or concerns, to help you to understand those in this community who are different in their faith orientation and practice from you.

It is appropriate to call me for comfort or guidance, or help with hearing yourself think, for a confidential place to express your feelings, to talk about illness, death, transitions.  Call me to be present during a crisis or trauma…

Pastoral care is about deep listening, providing comfort, recognizing when the door is open for spiritual growth, and being present with you as you walk through that door. 
     
Most UU ministers are trained in “brief counseling”, knowing how to identify growing edges, to comfort and to be present during times of crisis.  We are trained to make appropriate referrals especially when the need to be addressed goes beyond our skill set, or the kind of time that is needed is far beyond what we have to offer.

Ministers are trained to listen for and explore what role your faith or your core beliefs are taking in helping or hindering your move through a transitional point in your life.

Part of pastoral care is to be available to you when you are upset or disappointed with me.  You can expect to receive a good listen.  You can expect that what you have to express will be kept within the bounds of confidentiality.  When I am engaged in giving pastoral care, my focus will be on you and your needs. 

I am your minister, yet…I am also human!  Like with all human interactions, you may come to me at a time when I am distracted, defensive, reactive, and am not able to offer you a good listen.  Even when you’ve done your part and initiated contact and have been clear that you are looking for pastoral care, there will be times when my needs will get in the way of meeting your needs.  I will tell you when we need to arrange for another time, so that I can get myself out of the way!...and be able to listen to you without getting defensive, without rushing to “fix” the problem, without trying to end your discomfort….  Coming up to me after a Sunday Service in the crowed foyer is not the best time to seek pastoral care from me!  It is OK to arrange a time then, but it dishonors both of us for you to ask for or me to offer pastoral car in the middle of a crowd!

When I am present to you and for you, I will do my best to listen to you…to listen to whatever you have to say, whatever you feel, with respect that you are coming to me to be heard, to be companioned until you find your way again.  I promise to give the space for you to say whatever you need to say.   

When I am present with you I will create space for you to hear your own wisdom; for you to find your own way to continue to be in loving relationship with yourself. 

I am here ready for your call.  I am here to be your minister…to celebrate life with you, to help you grow, to hold you through change….

There are so many of you that I don’t yet know.  Call me.  I would love to visit you in your homes, or at your place of work.  I want to know what motivates you to be a part of this community.  I want to know what you are expert at, what you struggle with, who or what is important to you and why.

I want to know what your hopes and dreams are for yourself as an individual, for your family, for this congregation and this community.

Call me!

Many years ago UU minister Peter Lee Scott wrote a column called "When to Call the Minister." In the intervening years, his column has been adapted, messaged and added to by others. Here’s a version:

CALL THE MINISTER WHEN...

When you don’t know me, but would like to.

When you have problems you would like to discuss with your job, children, marriage, or anything else where a sympathetic ear might help.

When you are going to the hospital or know of someone else in the congregation who is.

When someone close to you has died or is critically ill or you’re dealing with a significant loss of some kind.

When you are planning to be married or divorced.

When you would like your child dedicated.

When you are pregnant and glad you are or wish you weren’t, also if you want to be pregnant but aren’t.

When you feel ready to join the congregation.

When you have concerns or suggestions.

When you have religious or spiritual questions.

When you are seeking to deepen your spiritual life.

When you are upset with me or would like to express appreciation.

When you have won the lottery and want to make a large donation to the church.

To add a little humor, Rev. Marilyn Sewell (retired minister who was with the First Unitarian Church in Portland, Oregon) added several reasons NOT to call the minister:

Don’t call the minister when:

You want to give her "the real scoop" on another member.

You want to explain that you’ll have to cut your pledge in half because you are spending the summer in the south of France.

You want to tell her you didn’t like what she wore in the pulpit last Sunday.

You want to tell her that one of the reasons you are a UU is that you have always distrusted organized religion. (Our church is, after all, a part of organized religion).

Your leaders have wisely organized this place so that you have a minister who is a pastor, too.

Call me!